Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
