i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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