i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
