Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
