just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
