When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
