Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize