Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
