Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
