I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
