Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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