Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
