help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize