He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize