would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize