somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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