ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
