She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
