I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hippo gnu deer
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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