Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
