The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
