Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
