I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
