apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
