Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize