i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
