We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
