If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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