i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
