You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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