In America we eat man semen.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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