Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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