I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
