no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
