i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize