"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
