Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
