i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize