i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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