im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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