My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
