Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
