She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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