I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
