its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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