All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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