He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
