i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need moral support for this bender
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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