dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
