What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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