so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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