I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize