my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
