I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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