I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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