remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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