Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
