i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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