chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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