i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My feet surprised me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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