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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  DC is easy, you will figure it out.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house

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• (972): View more from Texas

  It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?

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