I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
