omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The power of my boobs compel you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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