whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
